Today’s guest blogger is Annie Patnode
The article, Closed Adoption Is on its Last Legs So Here’s What We Must Do by Lori Holden from the Huffington Post, succinctly refers to adoption as “the shades of gray and hues of color, so much deeper and more intricate than simple black and white interpretations.” As an MSW IV-E Child Welfare social work student at the University of Minnesota, I am surrounded by adopted friends and family, I am taking classes about adoption and permanency, I am working in the adoption unit at a local government agency, and I personally have and continue to consider adopting in the future. I can attest that adoption is nothing short of a gray. While there are stories of love and successes when it comes to adoption, there are equally as many, if not more, about grief and hardship. This article does not attempt to hide this fact: adoption is hard; but that in part, is what makes it beautiful.
Recently, open adoptions have become more common and even preferred. However, what the author so poignantly addresses is that open adoption is not a cure-all. Too often birth parents are overlooked and their grief and loss is overshadowed by the adoptive parents who are in many instances, deemed “heroes,” therefore making the children the ones who were “saved.” These stereotypes paint a picture that is essentially one size fits all. In adoption, to be very clear, there is no such thing as one size fits all. There are complexities surrounding each adoption and each individual within that adoption.
By making adoption black and white, we are doing a disservice to those involved and the communities they live in. It will not make the process of adoption easier to deal with or absent of hardship; instead it “simply allows all this grief to be dealt with more openly and through connection rather than isolation.” The author continues by explaining that grief is simply a part of adopting. Dissolutions and disruptions are a relatively common aspect of adoption. The hard reality is that welcoming a child into one’s home is not easy. More than anything, the social workers and agencies working with individuals and families must recognize that education and preparedness are essential. Lori Holden says it well when she states “with education comes empowerment.”
In my opinion, this article hits the nail on the head if you will and touches on the realities of adoption that are not often shared. More commonly, adoption is portrayed as nothing but positive, which may lead to potential adoptive parents being misled and misguided in their journeys. For birth parents, the reality of grief and loss may very well stick with them for the entirety of their lives. Transparency is key in this field and open adoption may be the initial step in that direction. Transparency, along with education, might be the winning combination when it comes to any individual considering adoption and bridging the gap between great expectations and reality.
Article can be found:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lori-holden-/why-closed-adoption-is-on_b_8059664.html