Today’s guest blogger is Carlotta Crawford-Ojo.
The Extended Family of My Two Open Adoptions by Suz Redfearn, February 21, 2014
This article walks the readers through the journey of a married couple who after so many years of fiercely trying to have a baby with their own coils of DNA, finally throws in the towel to the reality of giving up all control of the prenatal period, thus having no genetic connections to a child. Many months passes and the married couple makes a compelling life changing decision to open their heart and mind to “open adoption” that ultimately leads them to a window of opportunity, conflict, and tension.
Susie an obstetrician/cousin to the husband of the married couple, knew what they were going through, so she informed the couple that from time to time, a patient comes into the office pregnant, asking about how adoption works and where to go. The married couple gives Susie their approval to inform the pregnant patient about them, thus leading to the option of arranging not one but two private adoptions. (Both adopted children have different biological mothers and fathers).
The article poses strength to the awareness that the practice of open adoption, or the continuance of contact or correspondence between the adopted child and birth parents, is becoming increasingly common. This practice of adoption allows the birth parents the creativity of maintaining a relationship with their child as he or she gets older, as well as the feeling of less uncertainty about the future, knowing that the child is loved and cared for throughout his/her live span.
Other weights to this article strength deplete the need for adoptees to search for or fantasize about his/her birth parents, as well as vital medical information of both the child and other family members. Linkage to heritage and ancestry enable the family to claim that information as a piece of the child identity. And by having a wider circle of family and support, the adoptee has more family to provide love and support, and the adoptive family is grateful for the extra support provided by others that love their child.
The open adoption was successful, but that does not mean it was problem free. As with any relationship, they still require a lot of work, and have their fair share of limitations. Tension emerges within the heart of the adoptive parents after Laney, the biological mother give birth, looks up at the adoptive couple, apologizes and says she just couldn’t, not yet. The couple ends up with the agony of contemplating if the birth mother had changed her mind. Another limitation sprung up when the biological mother and her relative held the baby for seven straight hours during one of the couples visit. The danger of this is that continue contact with birth parents may disrupt the attachment and development of the child’s relationship with the new family.
Now the couple has two birth families in the picture, tension arises with the second birth mother because she felt as though the couple were spending more time in the home town with their first adoptive child family. Sensitive issues such as this may leave some birth families struggling with knowing how they fit into the big picture. And Adoptive families may struggle with how to incorporate two sets of parents.
Open adoption can vary with each individual. Communication continues to be one of the most important factors of success for all parties involved in the adoption process. As communication about wishes, desires, expectation increases, the more comfortable everyone involved will tend to be. Open adoption can perhaps best be viewed as enrichment to a stable placement. Having two sets of parents can be complicated even in the best of times. But by keeping that line of communication open and all cards on the table, adoptive parents and birth parents have the ability to work together and give their child a loving and secure future.