When an adoption is finalized, it is the promise of a new chapter in the lives of children and parents. And while the majority of adoptive families thrive, there are some that don’t fulfill the promise of a “forever family” for a child.
The National Council for Adoption (NCFA)‘s August issue of the Adoption Advocate looks at ways to support children and families when an adoption dissolution occurs.
Authors John Bergeron, Jr., PhD and Robin Pennington discuss what they have seen in their practices assisting families that dissolve an adoption. Some of the observations the author describe as typical among parents that end up dissolving an adoption include difficulty understanding a child’s attachment behaviors (particularly over-pathologizing what might be “normal” attachment problems for a child with a trauma background); marital stress, difficulty not getting into control power plays with the child; and interestingly enough families with higher incomes and higher educated mothers have been found to be a factor in dissolutions. Bergeron and Pennington also point out that in their clinical experiences it is usually when the adoptive mother decides she is not able to continue the adoptive relationship that a dissolution occurs.
Although the process of dissolving an adoption varies depending on the children and parents involved, the authors reiterate that the primary focus should be on ensuring the child’s needs are at front and center. These needs include:
- The child’s safety and stability
- A truthful explanation that is sensitive and thoughtful for the child
- Assisting the child in creating a narrative of what happened, focusing on the family’s inability to meet the child’s needs and that it is not the child’s fault
Information on the needs of the family and future recommendations for research are also included. And for the families who may be adopting a child that has experienced a previous dissolution, the authors state,
The receiving or re-adoptive family has its own distinct set of needs that must be addressed when a dissolution has occurred. The first area of need is that of recruiting and training these families. Children in need of re-adoption have, on average, a level of greater need than the typical adopted child. In addition, they have experienced yet another major loss – relinquishment by parents they thought were their “forever family” – that will assuredly make subsequent trust and attachment more difficult for them. Families re-adopting these children need to be even more psychologically healthy, stable, and experienced than typical adoptive families. They require specialized training that will give them the knowledge and tools they need to establish and maintain a family environment of support, healing, and growth.
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