Today’s guest blogger is Andrea Brubaker.

“Please Don’t Tell Me I’m Lucky To Be Adopted”

Washington Post

Written by Shaaren Pine

Published: January 9, 2015

Topic: Inter-country adoption

 

Inherent Loss:

“Please don’t tell me I was lucky to be adopted” reflects a common sentiment of adoptees who are often given the impression that they should be grateful for their circumstance. The article, written by Shaaren Pine, is a self-narrative style prose. Pine describes the alienation she experienced as an Asian Indian adoptee; the feelings of shame about her body and skin color, and the confusion and pain she felt about the mystery of her creation. The unrelenting question for Pine, like many adoptees, was if her birth mother loved her or if there was something wrong with her. Pine writes about the isolating effect adoption had on her. “At some point, I stopped running a knife across my wrist,” Pine writes, illustrating the intensity of her pain and the difficulty she had handling her feelings of ambiguous loss. As she points out in the article, she was far from unique among adoptees in suffering from thoughts of suicide and tendencies toward substance abuse.

“Please Don’t Tell Me I’m Lucky To Be Adopted” has may strong points. The article helps to dispel the belief that adoption is only beneficial and that adoptees should be grateful for gaining a loving family rather than be devastated at the loss of their first family. Pine paints a relatable picture for her readers without creating a space for too much defense. Insightfully, she draws a connection between her loss of her biological origins to her daughter’s loss as well, a perspective rarely considered. The reality of living one’s life without knowing where one came from becomes even more profound when it is cross generational. Adoptees like Pine have the difficult task of integrating the loss of their culture and birth family into their lives in a silent way that leaves them feeling dissimilar, unaccepted, angry, and constantly searching for themselves. This is well addressed in the article through Pine’s commentary on her daughter’s experience and her own retrospective experiences.

Pine’s piece did not, but should have, advocated for more and better post adoptive services for adopted people and their families

[see this page by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute]. Nationally,  Adopted children make up roughly 2% of the total child population (under age 18) but comprise 11% of all referrals to therapy [see the North American Council on Adoptable Children guide to mental health] .Families identified barriers to obtaining quality mental health services for adopted children as being due to a lack of adoption competent therapists and limited number of mental health providers. Shaaren Pine’s story is compelling; should [she] use her voice to advocate for those who need the same services she could have used.